Session Eight

Participants
Dr. Elena Morris, M.D., Psychiatrist
Daniel, 29, Visual Designer

Setting: Late afternoon. Same office as previous sessions. Soft light. Sketchbook on the table between them.

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Dr. Morris
Last week you mentioned you had been avoiding your studio since the memorial. You said the silence in there feels different now. Do you want to start there?

Daniel
Yeah. It feels heavier. Before, it was just my thoughts. Now it feels like his too.

Dr. Morris
You’re talking about your friend.

Daniel
Yeah.

Dr. Morris
You’ve told me before that the studio was your safe place. What changed?

Daniel
He used to sit in there with me sometimes. Not even talking. Just being there. After he died, I walked in and it felt like… I don’t know. Like I missed something. Like I should have seen something.

Dr. Morris
You’re carrying responsibility.

Daniel
I keep replaying conversations. Wondering if there was a sign I ignored.

Dr. Morris
That replaying is something we’ve talked about before when your anxiety spikes. Your brain looks for control by reviewing the past.

Daniel
Yeah. It’s like if I can find the missed clue, I can prevent it next time.

Dr. Morris
And does it bring relief?

Daniel
No. It just makes it worse.

Dr. Morris
That makes sense. When someone dies by suicide, it often triggers what we call survivor’s guilt. It creates an illusion that if we had been more attentive, smarter, more present, we could have changed the outcome.

Daniel
But what if I could have?

Dr. Morris
Let’s slow that down. What specifically do you believe you should have done?

Daniel
Asked more questions. Checked in more. Not assumed he was joking when he said he was tired of everything.

Dr. Morris
When he said that, how often did he use humor to talk about hard things?

Daniel
All the time.

Dr. Morris
So at the time, did it stand out as different?

Daniel
No.

Dr. Morris
This is important. We evaluate past events with information we did not have at the time. That creates a distorted standard.

Daniel
So you’re saying I’m rewriting it.

Dr. Morris
Your brain is trying to protect you by constructing a narrative where you had control. Because the alternative, that sometimes we do not have control over another person’s internal battle, feels terrifying.

Daniel
It does.

Dr. Morris
You care deeply. That is clear. But caring does not equal omniscience.

Daniel
It just feels like if I had pushed harder.

Dr. Morris
Daniel, one of the most difficult truths in psychiatry is this. We can offer support. We can listen. We can guide. But we cannot inhabit another person’s nervous system. We cannot override their internal state.

Daniel
So what am I supposed to do with this feeling?

Dr. Morris
We work with it. Not against it.

Pause.

Dr. Morris
You brought your sketchbook today. Would you be open to showing me what you drew after the memorial?

Daniel
It’s messy.

Dr. Morris
Messy is welcome here.

Daniel opens the sketchbook. Dark overlapping lines. A figure that looks partially erased.

Dr. Morris
Tell me about this part.

Daniel
That’s the noise. The part where I keep thinking I missed something.

Dr. Morris
And the lighter space here?

Daniel
That’s what I wish I could have said. Like… Are you really okay?

Dr. Morris
If you could speak to him now, what would you say?

Daniel
I’d say I didn’t know. I’d say I would have listened. I’d say I’m sorry if I missed it.

Dr. Morris
Say it out loud.

Daniel
It feels stupid.

Dr. Morris
It’s not. Try.

Daniel
I didn’t know. I would have listened. I’m sorry if I missed it.

Silence.

Dr. Morris
What happened in your body just now?

Daniel
It feels less tight.

Dr. Morris
That is processing. Not erasing. Processing.

Daniel
I still feel angry too.

Dr. Morris
At him?

Daniel
Yeah. And then I feel horrible for being angry.

Dr. Morris
Anger is common in grief like this. It does not mean you loved him less. It means you are trying to make sense of loss.

Daniel
I just don’t want anyone else to feel like that. I don’t want to miss it again.

Dr. Morris
That desire tells me something important. You want to be someone people can talk to.

Daniel
Yeah.

Dr. Morris
Let’s talk about what that actually looks like. Not hypervigilance. Not monitoring everyone constantly. But creating space where people know they can speak honestly.

Daniel
How do you do that?

Dr. Morris
You model it. You speak about mental health without shame. You check in directly. You say, If you’re struggling, I’m here. And you also remember that professional help exists for a reason. You are not required to be the sole support system.

Daniel
I guess I forget that.

Dr. Morris
Part of destigmatizing therapy is understanding this. Talking to a psychiatrist or therapist is not a last resort. It is not a sign of weakness. It is a structured space where difficult thoughts can be held safely.

Daniel
He never wanted to come.

Dr. Morris
Many people hesitate because of stigma. Because they fear being judged. Because they think they should handle it alone.

Daniel
That sounds familiar.

Dr. Morris
It should. You almost canceled your first appointment.

Daniel
True.

Dr. Morris
And what made you stay?

Daniel
You didn’t make it feel clinical. You asked about my art.

Dr. Morris
Because your art is not separate from your mental state. It is a language. When you show me your drawings, I am not analyzing you. I am understanding you.

Daniel
That makes it easier.

Dr. Morris
Therapy should feel collaborative. Not interrogative.

Pause.

Dr. Morris
Can I ask you something directly?

Daniel
Yeah.

Dr. Morris
Since his death, have you had moments where you felt hopeless in a similar way?

Daniel
I’ve had moments where I felt overwhelmed. But not… that.

Dr. Morris
I appreciate your honesty. If that ever changes, I want you to know you can say it here without fear of panic or judgment. Thoughts are signals. They are not crimes.

Daniel
That’s reassuring.

Dr. Morris
And if you ever feel unsafe, there are immediate supports available. Crisis lines. Emergency services. Reaching out is not dramatic. It is protective.

Daniel
I think people forget that.

Dr. Morris
That is why conversations like this matter. Silence feeds isolation. Speaking reduces it.

Daniel
Do you ever get tired of hearing heavy things?

Dr. Morris
I am trained to hold them. And I have my own supervision and support. Therapists do not carry these alone either.

Daniel
That actually makes me feel better.

Dr. Morris
Good. Therapy is not a mysterious room where broken people go. It is a structured conversation where pain is unpacked safely.

Daniel
I wish he had come.

Dr. Morris
It is okay to wish that. And it is also okay to use your grief to create a different outcome for someone else.

Daniel
How?

Dr. Morris
By continuing to talk. By inviting others to talk. By refusing to treat mental struggle as shameful.

Daniel
Maybe I could do a piece about that.

Dr. Morris
What would it look like?

Daniel
Two chairs. One empty. One not. But the empty one has light on it. Like it’s still open.

Dr. Morris
That sounds powerful.

Daniel
It would mean there’s always a place to sit. Even if you think no one wants to hear you.

Dr. Morris
That is the core of this work. There is always a place to sit.

Long pause.

Dr. Morris
Before we close today, what are you taking from this session?

Daniel
That I’m not responsible for saving everyone. But I can be available. And I can ask directly. And I can talk about it.

Dr. Morris
That is a healthy boundary. And a compassionate one.

Daniel
And that therapy isn’t something to hide.

Dr. Morris
Exactly.

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Closing Reflection

Therapy is not about having perfect answers.
It is about having a safe room where imperfect thoughts can exist.

If you are reading this and carrying something heavy, there are trained professionals who sit in rooms like this every day, prepared to listen without judgment.

Talking is not weakness.
Reaching out is not attention seeking.
Needing support is human.

And there is always a chair open.